It Never Ends
by Wallflower95
Summary: Sam Dutton is learning that life isn't perfect and sometimes the people you love most will hurt you. But sometimes, we accept the love we think we deserve. Sam learns that it never ends and that when the moment comes you will feels absolutely infinite.
1. One Night

**Hi everyone! My name is Wallflower95 and this will be my first ever fanfiction about Sam from 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower'. If you noticed, my name is Wallflower because Perks of Being a Wallflower is one of my all time favorite books. I chose to write about Sam because we knew her as Sam from the book but we didn't know her before she met Charlie or became Patrick's step-sister or before she started dating Craig. So, this is Sam's story and it is called 'It Never Ends'. I'm hoping to get 10 chapters out of it. I hope you all enjoy it!**

**Please comment and review! I'd really appreciate it:)**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**1**

**One Night**

We all make bad choices in life and some of us are more screwed up than others, right? I'd like to think that. You see, I would really like to be normal... but how can I? No one's life is perfect. Mine certainly isn't. My parents fight a lot. When they fight I always try to escape by hiding in my closet where it's dark and there's no one else but me. I wish I had brothers or sisters. Someone to hold onto when things get bad. But I don't have that. Instead I just try to lock myself away from the world. I try to hide... but it never works.

On this particular night... it really did not work. My parents were having a party. A bunch of their friends were over and they were getting drunk and rowdy. Me? I'm seven years old for Christ's sake! I do what I do every night. I close the door and hide. I shut everything out. But tonight, someone breaks that barrier. I hear my bedroom door open and I hear someone stumble in. There are heavy footsteps on the ground. The door is shut but I can still hear the footsteps on the ground. I wonder who it is? Maybe it's mom and she remembered to kiss me goodnight. I open the door, hoping to see her face but it's not her. It's a man. I think I recognize him. I think he works with my dad. He's dad's boss.

"Well, hullo Sammykins." He says. He has a bottle in his hands and his speech is slurred. I'm quiet. I look down at the ground.

"Hello." I say.

"Say, Sam. Why are you up here when you should be downstairs partying like everyone else?" I keep my eyes down.

"Mommy said to go too bed." I said. He chuckled and sipped at his beer.

"Well that sounds boring. How about you and me play a game?" I was eight at the time. I didn't understand what he was saying. When a kid hears the word 'game' they get excited. Games involve running around or tagging someone. But that wasn't the game he was talking about. You know when you're little and your mom tells you to look both ways before the crossing the road or don't trust strangers? You should always listen to your parents... they know what's best for you.

The man sits me on the bed and starts touching me. He touches me under my shirt and strokes my stomach. I don't say anything but I know it's wrong. My heart is beating fast. He holds my chin in his hand and smiles.

"You're gonna be a very pretty girl someday, Samantha." No one calls me Samantha except my mother. He grips my leg. I flinch.

"That hurts." I whispered. He forced me down on the bed and holds my arms down. This isn't right. I know it's not. I should be screaming my head off. I should be crying and hitting the guy. But I didn't do any of that. I always thought I could trust adults. They're supposed to be there for us. Help us with our homework or take care of us when we're sick. They're not supposed to do this.

"Please stop." I said. He laughed and reached into my pants. I whimpered.

"Don't worry, Sammy. This will be our little secret." He forced his lips against mine and that's when some tears came. No other sound escaped from me. It last forever. I thought it was never going to end. I kept telling him to stop but he didn't hear me. When he was finished, he threw a blanket over my naked body. I felt so empty. He slipped his jacket on and grabbed his beer and took another sip.

"That was fun, Sammy. Let's do it again sometime." And he left. I just stared at the ceiling, tears falling onto my pillow. What do you when someone hurts you like that? Do you tell your parents? How do you tell your father that his boss molested his seven year old girl? I curled into a ball and cried. I cried because the pain never ends.


	2. Falling Apart

**Hey guys! Here is the 2nd chapter. Please be warned this is not suitable for young children. Please comment and review!**

**Thanks!:)**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**2**

**Falling Apart**

"Samantha Dutton?" I look up from my notebook. Everyone turns to me. I'm wearing ratty blue jeans, old sneakers and a black hoodie with the hood over my head. Everything is a little bright in the room. I guess I'm still a little hungover. I can still hear the beat of the music at Krista's house. The feeling of Todd's hands reaching up my shirt.

"Samantha Dutton?" I threw my hand up.

"Here." I grumbled. I went back to my notebook, doodling was what one of my old teachers called it. Just drawing pointless little pictures instead of listening to the teacher drone on and on about the useless subject we were studying. My head was pounding. The music from last night was still in my head. I could still feel Todd on me.

* * *

_"You're so fucking sexy." He mumbled as he kissed my throat. I ripped of his shirt and opened the door behind me which led into a room._

_"Listen, Sam... I want to-"_

_"Shut up." I said. I had a lot to drink and I didn't have a care in the world. I saw Todd in the crowd and I just felt like doing something fun tonight and why not do that at Krista Drake's party? Todd was a decent looking tenth grader. Me? Sam Dutton, eighth grade. All I wanted to do tonight was have a little bit of fun._

_"Damn, I want you." Todd said. He slipped of my shirt and started on my pants. As Todd was pulling of my pants, I saw his face. Dad's boss. He drunken breath in my face. His lips forced up against mine. The image of my dad's boss haunted me every night and I'm still forced to see him whenever he comes over for dinner. We never say a word to each other. We never mention that one night. Todd reaches for my bra. My hand is on his arm._

_Why am I doing this?_

_"What's wrong?" Todd asked me. Everyone has that little voice in their head that tells them not to do something but that voice in my head is non-existent. I let my hand fall to my side._

_"Nothing. Keep going." He takes off the bra and holds my breasts in each hand. He is kissing me hard, forcing me onto the bed... and I let him._

* * *

Everyone in the eighth grade knows me as the class slut. Maybe I am. But I guess I don't really care. All everyone can talk about is that Sam Dutton and Todd Norris fucked at Krista Drake's party last night. Rumors are rumors. They will spread like wildfire and then they will die out and then something new will come along. It's the way of life. I should care. I should care that I am a thirteen year old girl who isn't doing well in school and is too busy getting fucked by guys and getting drunk at parties. I am a mess. But I didn't give a shit. I knew deep down that it was wrong and it had to stop. But that little voice inside my head was dying out. I am falling apart.

"Hey Sam." Jacey Jones is my best friend. My partner in crime.

"Hey Jace." I said.

"Man, you look like shit." I laughed.

"I know."

"So, is it true?" She asked.

"What?"

"You and Todd fucked last night?" I smiled.

"Yeah."

"Shitters that's awesome. How was his..." She smiled.

"Large." She laughed out loud. Jacey is in my grade. She's kind of an emo type. Her hair used to be brown but last year dyed it black and then put purple streaks in it. She wears revealing clothing, she has piercings and a tattoo on her arm. Her breasts are practically spilling out of her shirt today. All the girls in our grade say they're fake boobs but Jacey swears they're real.

"So, a group is going to a club tonight. Jake scored some fake i.d's. You in?" It's a school night. But I didn't really care. Dad is away on another business trip and mom is working late... again.

"Hell yes."

* * *

I never said I make smart choices. No one does. My mom always says that I should but did she make a smart choice marrying my dad? Not really. I love my dad. I remember some good times of him pushing me on the swing and attending my dance recitals. But I also remember the bad times like him getting drunk one night and hitting my mom. They didn't talk for two weeks.

So no, I don't make smart choices.

"Come on Sam!" I dressed up tonight. I wore a black crop top that showed of my flat stomach. My long blonde hair is tied up in a loose bun with strands hanging at the sides. I'm wearing a shot navy skirt with fish net tights and black high heeled boots. My makeup feels heavy on my eyes lids. I feel like a completely different person.

"You wearing a push-up bra?" Jacey asked out of nowhere. I laughed.

"Yes! I want to show off the goods." Jacey laughed and looped her arm through mine.

"Come on, they others are waiting." We're going into the club with a bunch of Jacey's friends. People I don't know but I didn't care. It was going to be fun. Maybe I'd get lucky.

* * *

The music was loud it made the floor vibrate. People were pressed up against each other, dancing around. Couples were making out in the corner. Lights flashed everywhere. I saw the bar. I went straight for it and ordered a vodka. Jacey leaned against the bar counter next to me.

"This is awesome!" She yelled. I smiled and chugged the vodka. It's never a good idea to down some alcohol, but then again, I said I never make smart choices. The drink made my head buzz. I felt alive.

"Shit, I think that guy is checking you out." Jacey nodded towards the corner. I saw a guy. No, a man. Mid maybe late twenties. He had dark hair and wore a leather jacket.

"He is fine." I said, taking another sip.

"Well, go get him girl!" I finished the drink in one gulp and walked over to the guy. My breasts went up and down. I let my hair loose and stopped in front of him. He had a small smile on his lips. I batted my eyes and looked up at him.

"Saw you checking me out." I said. He sipped his beer.

"And what if I was?" I smiled and took his hand.

"Let's dance." I led him into the crowd and placed his hand on my ass. I pressed up against him and never took my eyes off of his. He slipped his hand under my shirt and pulled at my bra. I smiled. We dance for hours. Four intense hours. When we were done he wrapped his arm around me. He was drunk and so was I.

"Let ditch this place. Get outta here and go have some real fun." He said in a slurred voice. I was so out of it, I left with him and forgot to tell Jacey where I was going. When I turned thirteen this year, my mom gave me 'the talk' about sex. Little did she know I was actually doing it. Anyway, she said sex was meant to be saved for the ones we love. The ones we cared for. It was supposed to be a beautiful thing. To me, it's work. You're working to make your partner satisfied and that's what I was doing tonight.

As as we were in is apartment, the guy started ripping off my clothes and pushing me towards the bed. I unbuttoned his shirt and started on his pants. The whole time we were kissing. This is illegal. I am a minor. He's an adult. What dad's boss did to me... that was illegal as well. But like he said. It was our little secret. I turned my lips to the side.

"Condom." I said. I felt him smile as he took off my pants. He pushed me onto the bed.

"Help me put it on." He said with a smile on his face. I was a little nervous. I could feel my hands shaking as he took off his underwear, revealing his dick. I took the condom from his hand and slipped it on. He smiled.

"How about a little blow job sweetheart?" Jacey once told me what a blow job was and I told myself I would never do that. I smiled.

"How about we get on the bed instead?" He smiled and took off my underwear slowly. He reached behind my back and took off the bra. I breathed slowly, calming myself down. I know what I'm doing is wrong. I know that every time. And yet, I still do it. He picks me up and I wrap my legs around his waist and he pushes into. I gasp. He has a creepy smile on his. He leans down and kisses my chest. He pushes harder and I cry. I see him above me again.

_"This will be our little secret."_

The words were ringing in my ears.

"Harder." I whispered. The guy looked at me.

"That's my kind of girl." And he goes harder. The pain is unbearable but it blocks his face from my mind. I close my eyes and let the guy do all the work. He moves up and down, touching me all over. I let him use me.

"Yeah, you like that?" He whispered. I smile and pull him into me.

"Yeah, how about we switch?" He rolls under me and I'm on top now. Tonight is different than the other nights. Those nights I was just having fun. This night I was trying so hard to forget something. I move up and down. He has his hands on my hips, his mouth slightly open as I move. I take his hand and put it on my chest.

"You want me?" I ask him.

"Yeah." He gasps. He squeezes my boob and kisses it with his lips. I do this for about an hour, just satisfying my partner. That's all it is. I'm exhausted. We're lying next to each other, naked and gasping for breath. I had to admit. That was the longest and probably the best sex I've had yet. It almost made forget about that night. He kisses my flat stomach.

"Stay the night?" I smile.

"Why not." He looks at me, he is stroking my boob.

"Want to fuck some more?" He said with a lopsided smile. He was really drunk, I know it. Me? Alcohol was wearing off. I could see more clearly now. He had a nice body. Lean and muscled. I saw the clock on the bedside table. It's 3 in the morning, on a school night. I saw his face again.

_"This will be our little secret."_

"Yes." He takes over. Doing all the work above me. I tell him to go hard and fast. He's is sweating and I am gripping the edge of the bed but I manage because all I want is for that image to forever leave my mind.


	3. All Over Again

**Hey there! Sorry this update took some time. It's been a busy week. here is chapter 3. hope you like and please comment and leave a review! Will hopefully get another update in this weekend :)**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**3**

**All Over Again**

When I wake up there some sunlight streaming in from a crack in the curtains covering the window. I breathe in deeply and get a good look at the room. It's not clean... like, at all. My clothes are strewn on the floor. My bra is hanging on a chair. He's sleeping soundly next to me, smelling of beer. I stare up at the ceiling, wondering what everyone at school is doing. It's nearly eleven. I should be at school but I didn't feel like it. Every day is the same. Wake up. Go too school. Party and drink and sleep with a guy and then go too sleep. And then it repeats. It happens all over again.

I sometimes wonder if I'm depressed. I don't feel... anything. Ever. I don't do anything with my life.

He had is arm around my naked body, a blanket draped over the two of us. I slip under his arm and off the bed. I slowly pick up my clothes and get dressed. He'll probably be too drunk to remember any of this. I quietly open the door and disappear, leaving him behind because that's what they're all like. I don't have sex with guys to enjoy it. I do it to forget that night. To push it out of my mind. To distract me from the pain. It works for a little bit but then the pain from that night always comes back the next day. I catch a cab and take it home. I gave the cab driver the last of my allowance.

"Where the hell were you?!" A scream came from the kitchen. I shut the door and leaned against the door frame.

"Out." I said. My mom was leaning against the counter. She was beautiful once. She had the same blonde hair as me. Same green eyes. Same figure. She used to look so happy in our old family photos. Now she works full time, providing for me and my sorry excuse of a father. He lost his job a few months ago after a disagreement with his boss. The same boss who visited my room when I was seven. She is no longer that happy person in the photo. She looks like she hadn't slept in weeks. Her hair is frizzy I can tell she's wearing the same clothes she had worn yesterday. But I can tell she is worried. She looks me up and down and then she pulls me in for a warm embrace. I hug her back. I wish I could be a little kid again. I wish she could hold me in her arms and tell me everything would be okay. I wish I could tell her everything that is going on but I don't want to stress her out more. I just hug her back and keep my mouth shut.

"Why weren't you at school?" She asked. My mind was racing. I couldn't tell my mom that I went to a club last night with and illegal fake i.d and then slept with some random man I literally knew for ten seconds.

"I slept over and Jacey's last night. I was tired and we lost track of time. I'm sorry." I said. My mom sighed in relief. I hated lying to her but it was for her own good. She hugged me again.

"Why don't you go shower and I'll make us some popcorn. We can watch a movie." She said with a small smile. I nodded and went upstairs. My dad was probably out with some buddies, drinking and whatnot. That's a normal day at the Dutton house.

* * *

Like I said, every day is the same as the last. School, parties, boys. Tomorrow is Thursday. April 12th. My birthday. I'm going to be fourteen. My mom was planning something for me tomorrow. She told me to come home right after school. I said I would. Jacey said we were going out tonight. She didn't tell me what we were doing but knowing Jacey I'm betting it's something extreme.

After school was over, I call my mom from the principal's office to let her know I was staying over at Jacey's to finish a school project. It wasn't a total lie. We do have a project from our English teacher Mr. Norris, we were just going to put it off for another night. Jacey refused to tell me where were going all the way to her house. I had packed a very sexy looking dress that even my mom didn't even know about. Once we were in her room, Jacey shut the door and smiled at me. I threw down my bag.

"Alright Jace. Where are we going?" I asked. She couldn't contain her excitement.

"Would you believe that we are going to The Burgundy Club with Kyle Stoltz and Nathan Torres?!" My mouth was hanging open. The Burgundy Club is one of the most popular clubs in town. I've dreamed of going there. And Kyle Stoltz and Nathan Torres are the hottest 12th graders in our school. They were these crazy popular footballs players that girls in our grade dream about dating.

"You're shitting me right now." I said. Jacey shook her head.

"Am not!"

"Fuck, you're serious?!"

"Dead serious, Sammy!" Jacey laughed and jumped around.

"So, put on a sexy dress because tonight you will have the best sex ever with one of these hot ball players."

* * *

It seems so innocent going out with your best friend and two guys who are a few grades above you. It always goes through my mind. Should I really be doing this? Is this safe? But I always shut that voice up. Like I do every day.

Kyle and Nathan meet us at the front of The Burgundy Room. They are both gorgeous. Lean and muscles. I try to look sexy in my short black dress and boots. Jacey let me borrow a push up bra so my boobs would stick out more.

"Wow, you girls look incredible." Kyle says. Jacey smiles and bats her eyelashes.

"Thanks hun. Shall we?" I can hear the music pounding against the walls. The sounds of laughter and chatter coming from within. Should I really be doing this?

"I.D." I hand my fake I.D over and he gives it back to me without even really looking at it.

"Go ahead." He's probably checking out my ass as I walk away. It's packed in the club. I suddenly feel claustrophobic. The music is making my head hurt and every few steps I take I get trampled on. But the other don't seem to mind it so I try and play along. Kyle immediately asks Jacey to dance. I sit down and grab a glass of vodka. I can see the two of them in the crowd of dancing people. He has one hand on her ass and one hand on her breast. I shiver and swallow some more vodka. Nathan notices me looking at the crowd. He smiles at me. He has a nice smile but there is something bugging me. Something I can't explain.

"Want to dance?" I finish my vodka and set my glass on the table.

"Sure." He takes my hand and leads me into the crowd. We dance for a few songs. I press myself against him, making sure he sees my cleavage. He reaches up my dress and puts his lips against my neck. He bites down softly. I groan and put both hands on his stomach, feeling his abs. He puts a hand on my breast and continues kissing my neck.

"Want to go somewhere more private?" He asked me. I barely heard him over the loud music but I nodded my head. I was to breathless to speak. He pulled me out of the crowd and towards the bar.

"I thought we were going somewhere private?" I asked him. He smiled.

"I'm gonna buy you a drink first." He said with a smile. He orders me a shot. Just as Nathan is handing me my drink, Kyle and Jacey show up. She has her arms wrapped around his neck and she is smiling and laughing, having a good time. She looked really drink.

"Hey man, Jacey and I are going out back to have a little fun." Kyle said. He didn't sound drunk at all. I look at Jacey, trying to get her attention but she's else where. What is wrong with her?

"Alright man, enjoy." Nathan says with a wink. The two of them disappear. Nathan gives me my drink.

"Enjoy it." He said with a smile. I look at the shot. My mom used to tell me that if I ever went to parties I should never leave my drink un-attended because someone could slip you something. What if Nathan was doing that to me? What if Kyle did that to Jacey? I tried to calm down. I'm being paranoid. Some drunk guy bumps into Nathan. Nathan turns around to tell the guy off, without thinking I pour my drink onto the floor. My heart is racing.

_Chill out Sam! He's just a cute guy getting you a drink. That's all it is._

Nathan looked back at me and smiled.

"Good drink?" He asked. I smiled.

"Amazing." I lied. I set the glass down on the counter and pulls me away from the bar and the crowd. I follow him into another room. The music is muffled by the thick walls. There's a dull light above us.

"Now where were we?" He pulls me towards him and he presses his lips against mine. Other guys I have been with had been pretty good at the sex part. Nathan was being rough. He pressed me against and a wall and forced my arms up. MY heart was pounding in my chest. He shoved his tongue inside my mouth. His hand was reaching up my dress. I tried to say something but his tongue was in my mouth. I tried moving my hands but they were pinned against the wall. I felt like I was trapped. There was no where to go. Like that same night nearly seven years ago. His lips went down to my neck.

"Nathan..." I breathed out. But he ignored me. He was kissing my breasts now. He reached down and started undoing his pants. I struggled under his weight.

"Nathan... get off me." I said a little louder.

"Don't worry babe. You'll feel sleepy in a little bit." He had been trying to drug me before. He was trying to rape me. Jacey had been acting weird before. Kyle must have drugged her and he was probably raping her.

"Get off of me!" I screamed. Nathan looked at me with a shocked expression on his face.

"Don't worry. That drug will kick in soon." He smiled. He forced me down to the ground and pulled up my dress, revealing my underwear. I tried to scream but he clapped his hand down on my mouth. His pants were off and his dick was out. He pulled down my underwear and then pinned my arms down with his other hand. He was strong. I struggled to break free. Tears were falling down my faces. My screams were muffled by his hand. It was happening all over again.

"This will be our little secret."

All I could see was that man above me, forcing me down onto the bed whispering in my ear;

_'This will be our little secret.'_

Nathan was bending down. He was so close, a smile on his face. No. I won't let this happen again. I bit down on his hand. He yelled in pain, pulling his hand back. I twisted my leg and kicked him in the side. He fell sideways, yelling. I pulled up my underwear and fixed my dress. I got up to run but I was yanked back. I screamed.

"Get back here you bitch!" I kicked backwards. There was a crack and he fell down swearing and yelling. I hope I broke his nose. I ran out of the room and into the crowd of the club.

I have to find Jacey. Kyle had taken her out of the side door. I took off my boots and ran to the other side of the room in my bare feet. I could my heart beating hard against my chest. I threw open the door. I was in a dark alley way. A van was parked in the alley. There were no lights on but there was definitely movement. I swallowed nervously and crept towards the van door.

"Jacey?" I threw open the door. Jacey was under Kyle. She had been stripped. She was completely out of it. Kyle was on top of her, naked. I was furious. All these years I have been trying to get over that night. I have been telling myself that not everyone is like that guy. There's still some humanity left. I can still be loved. And then it happens all over again.

I hit Kyle with my boot.

"Get the fuck off of her you asshole!" I scream, hitting hard. He yells at me but jumps out of the van with his clothes crumpled up in a ball.

"What the fuck?!" He yells at me. I hit him again.

"So we were just one night stands to you guys?" I screamed.

"I thought Nathan had you handled!" He yelled.

"You're an asshole." I said. He chuckled.

"Bitch." He puts his clothes on.

"She was a good fuck though." I hit him again.

"Get out of hear you asshole! I'll make sure the cops find you and your friend." He walks away with a smile on his face. I quickly dress Jacey. I shake her shoulders.

"Jace?" She mumbles, but she's still out of it. I sit beside her and hold her hand. Everything comes crashing down on me. The whole night. It nearly happened to me again. And then it happened to Jacey. I'm shaking. Tears are coming down and I start crying hard. There was no escaping that night. It will haunt me forever.


	4. Breaking Point

**Hey guys! hope you like this. Please comment and review:)**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**4**

**Breaking Point**

Everyone has a breaking point. Everyone has a different limit. Some people are easier to break than others. I think that I have reached my breaking point. I had gotten us a cab ride back to Jacey's house. Luckily Jacey's family wasn't home to ask any questions.

"Where are we?" Jacey asked in a slurred voice.

"At your house." I said.

"Wow! That was fast!" Jacey said in a high pitched voice. I set her on her bed.

"Just get some rest Jace." I whispered. As soon as her head hit the pillow she was fast asleep. I should have called the police by now. Those two were probably telling all their friends about doing it with a few eighth graders. I shivered at the thought. I still wanted to call the police but I had to make sure Jacey was okay first. I took a pillow and laid down on the floor. I closed my eyes and tried to rid my mind of tonight's events.

* * *

I woke to the sound of a door opening. Someone tapped my forehead.

"Wakey wakey Sammy." Jacey was smiling down at me. Her hair was wet and she was wearing a bathrobe. I sat up and looked at her.

"What?"

"Do you remember what happened last night?" I asked. She smiled.

"Yeah! Oh yeah! I didn't tell you. I had sex with Kyle freaking Stoltz." She said with a huge smile on her face. I just stared at her. Did she not remember or was she just messing with me?

"Kyle Stoltz. I had sex with him!" I couldn't believe it.

"No, Jacey." I took her hand.

"He raped you." I said softly. Jacey pulled her hand back and frowned at me.

"I had sex with the hottest guy in our school Sam. You can be a little excited for me."

"What the hell is wrong with you, Jace?" She looked at me in shock.

"He drugged your fucking drink. Pulled you into a van, stripped off your clothes and raped you!" Jacey folded her arms and glared at me.

"No, Kyle wouldn't do that."

"Look, he did, okay? Nathan tried to do the same with me! He tried to drug and rape me."

"You're lying." Jacey snapped.

"Why the hell would I lie?"

"Because you're just jealous that Kyle chose me and not you!"

"Kyle is an asshole Jacey! He raped you!" She didn't respond. I walked over to her phone and picked it.

"We need to call the police." Jacey slammed the phone down.

"Get out of here Sam." She whispered. She kept her eyes down.

"I can't believe you." I said. She didn't say anything.

"Fine." I grabbed all of my stuff.

"Go ahead then. Go ahead and fuck every guy out there. Let them use you like Kyle used you last night! Just know that I won't be there when you need help. I'm done with this shit." I slammed the door behind me and never looked back.

* * *

I had gone home to clean up before heading to school. I am so used to going with Jacey but today was different. I was alone. Walking through the hallways, making my way through the crowd was daunting. Everyone towered over me. Suddenly I wasn't Samantha Dutton the Slut. I was nobody. I was nothing. Walking through the crowd in the school hallway I see Jacey. Smiling and laughing Kara Johanson. She hates Kara. Why the hell is she talking to her? I grip my books tightly and walk past them. Then I see Kyle and Nathan. I freeze and almost drop my books. They're laughing and talking to their friends. Jacey sees them too. She walks up to Kyle and kisses him full on the mouth. He lifts her up and grabs her ass in the middle of the hall. Everyone is staring and pointing by now.

So many emotions were bubbling inside of me at this point. Anger, fury, betrayal. I was shaking. I turned on my heel, walking away from my ex-best friend.

* * *

"What's with you and Jacey?" Natasha Lori asked. I rolled me eyes.

"Nothing." I mumbled. Natasha sighed.

"Listen, I'm having a party tomorrow. Will you come?" How could I even think about going to another party after what happened last night? And then I saw Jacey with Kyle again. They were making out on her desk. I just wanted everything to disappear.

"I'll be there."

* * *

The house was dark when I opened our front door. I dropped me bag on the ground and tossed my shoes into the closet. A light was flicked and I heard some sizzling.

"Surprise!" My mom came in with a pink frosted cupcake with a sparkler in it. She had a blue and green party hat on her head. She looked like she got some sleep. Her green eyes were bright and she had a big smile on her face. I laughed. It's my 14th birthday. I had forgotten.

"Thanks mom." She took my hand and sat me down in the kitchen.

"Make a wish, sweetie." I wished that I had a different life. A better life. I blew out the sparkler.

"Where's dad?" I asked. Mom shrugged.

"Out... somewhere." It was just the two of us eating our cupcakes. I wish there were more times like these. Quiet, peaceful... feeling free and alive. I wish I could feel like this all the time. The front door opened and then it was it was slammed shut. My mom flinched. She had the look in her eyes again. That look of fear. My dad stumbled in with a bottle of beer in his hand. He looked at both of us.

"Well, look who has a birthday today." He said in a slurred voice. I didn't reply.

"Who gives a fuck? Nothing special anyway."

"Mark..." He chugged some more beer.

"Fuck this!" He yelled. He hit my hand and my cupcake fell to the ground in a pink mess. I never understood why my father started drinking. After that whole disagreement with his boss, he came home and hugged my mother. They talked for some time and then he put his hands on my shoulders and looked me in the eyes;

_"Listen Sammy, things are going to be different."_

_I was ten. Back then he looked much different. He was a different man who cared for his family. A man trying to fix his mistakes._

_"What do you mean daddy?" I asked him. He sighed and rubbed his head._

_"Daddy made a mistake." He whispered to me. "But I promise you, I will make this right. I will fix it. I promise."_

He promised he'd fix it and he didn't. I just stared at that cupcake. It was like his promise. It has fallen to the ground and now there's nothing left but pieces.

He threw the beer bottle across the room and it shattered into pieces against the wall. Tears rolled down my mother's cheeks. He was breathing heavily. I tried to keep my hands from shaking. I just kept staring at that cupcake.

He walked out of the room without another word. My mother sobbed. I took her hands and pulled her into my embrace. I was still looking at that stupid cupcake. Why do I... and the people I love... care for other people who treat us like we're nothing? I loved my dad once. Now I don't even recognize him. Jacey left me... I am completely alone. My mom still lives with a man who breaks her heart every day. Why do we do this to ourselves? I don't understand. I see that pink cupcake.

Happy birthday to me.


	5. Pearly Dewdrops Drop

**Hey everyone! Who is super excited to meet Patrick in this story? I know I am :) So in this chapter we start to see that Sam is trying to change her ways. Time has passed. A year to be exact. Sam is fifteen now. Hope you enjoy the chapter! Please comment and review :)**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**1 year later...**

**5**

**Pearly Dewdrops Drop**

A year has gone by and everything still seems the same. Except for me and Jacey. We haven't spoken to each other in 365 days, 2 hours, 5 minutes and 28 seconds. I've been counting this whole time. Since then she has dated nearly every boy in the school and since then I have dropped down into the 'unpopular category'. I was no longer Samantha Dutton the slut. I was nobody. But I didn't seem to mind. I have tried to change. About eight months ago I had gone to a school party. I had gotten really drunk, so drunk that I blacked out. Turns out I had slept with some 11th grade guy that I didn't even know. When I woke up I told myself that I was wasting my life. There was no where for me to go if I continued this. So, I've quit being the class slut.

This year, I met two new girls in my grade. Alice and Mary Elizabeth. Alice is petite, blonde and wears a lot of black. Mary Elizabeth is into punk rock music and she is obsessed with The Rocky Horror Picture Show. And they have become my best friends. They have been helping me give up my old life. I've been trying to find something. I don't know what but I'm sure I'll know what I'm looking for when I find it.

Grade 10. It seems so different. It always surprises me how fast time could move. Just last year I was screwing around and doing nothing. I may have changed my way but there was something still nagging at my mind. Something deep inside of me. Was it it still that night that haunted me every moment? No. I would carry that moment with me for the rest of my life. Was it the fact that Jacey no longer talked to me? I'm not sure. Jacey and I used to be good friends. She's the one who introduced me to the world of drinking, drugs and sex. I'm not sure. All I know is that I am missing something in life.

I am sitting at my workshop bench with Alice and Mary Elizabeth. Alice is reading some book of poems and Mary Elizabeth is listening to her walkmen. The sound is really loud and her head is bobbing to the beat.

"Remind me why we're taking this class." She practically shouted. I smiled. I like Alice and Mary Elizabeth. There the kind of girls who just don't give a shit what you think about them. Mary Elizabeth has a lot of piercings and the most absurd outfits. Her hair is different too. It's kind of a dark brown, almost black. She has a dyed red streak on one side of her head, the other side is shaved short while dyed side is longer. Alice wears a lot of black makeup. I bet she'd be a completely different person if she wasn't wearing that makeup.

"We need it for school credits." I said.

"Lame." Alice said from behind her book. The teacher walked into the room. His name is Mr. Callahan is our woodshop teacher. He started in the middle of the semester after our last woodshop teacher, Mr. Jenner, had an accident in class. He's in his 30's or 40's. Everyone likes to make fun of his almost goatee. He's been growing that thing out since he got here and it's barely made an appearance.

"Alright class, who's ready to make something fun today?" There were a couple of coughs. I even heard a groan from the back. Everyone was pretty much uninterested in this project. He smiled and nodded.

"Fantastic, let's begin." He said with a smile. Someone, a boy walked into the class.

"Sorry I'm late. Had to take a piss." The boy said with a huge smile on his face. He has dark hair and he's pretty tall for a 10th grader. He's wearing a button down plaid shirt, blue jeans and ratty looking shoes. Mr. C rolled his eyes. I stifled a laugh.

"Language Mr. Kellner." He sighed.

"Alright Mr. C." The boy strutted over to an empty seat and sat down. He's a knew kid. Just started at the beginning of the year. His name is Patrick Kellner. Word is he moved here with his dad after his dad got promoted. No mention of a mom. He's very popular in the school. Everyone thinks he's hilarious. Me? He just seems like all the other boys in the 10th grade. Mr. Callahan clapped his hands together.

"Okay class, today we are making birdhouses." Another round of groans went around the room. In the front I can see Jacey's newest boyfriend, Jake Hall, rubbing her leg with his hand. She showing off that glossy lipped smile of hers. I peel my eyes away from the disgusting show of affection. Mary Elizabeth saw me looking.

"Pathetic." She muttered, eyeing them. I nodded. Patrick raised his hand. Mr. Callahan sighed.

"Yes Patrick, what is it now?" Patrick has become a nuisance in this class and poor Mr. Callahan has to deal with it.

"Will we be needing wood for this project, Mr. C?" Mr. Callahan blinked a few times and then stared at Patrick.

"Of course, Patrick." He said in an exasperated tone. Patrick smiled. Oh no. He fell for the classic woodshop joke every guy pulls.

"Great. Cause I brought my own!" He stood up on his chair and I swear to God he had the world's biggest erection. The whole room erupted in laughter. All the girls were pointing and the boys were practically falling out of their chairs. Patrick had his arms raised with a proud smile on his face. Mary Elizabeth shook her head.

"How unoriginal can you get?" She said. I laughed. Poor Mr. Callahan. It's the first time the guys have pulled this trick on him and he didn't know how to respond. Basically class ended right then and there.

* * *

Things have drastically improved for me at school. My grades are getting better, I have friends that I like and trust. I'm not the girl I used to be. I wish things could change at home. Mom still works full time. Dad is still a drunken lazy ass. I wish that could improve. I had the key to the front door ready in my hand and that's when I noticed the door was already open. I frowned and then I had a terrible thought.

What if we were robbed. I swallowed nervously. I could feel my heart beating in my chest. I pushed the door open slowly. It creaked loudly. I winced at the sound.

"Hello?" I called out. Shards of my mother's favorite vase were strewn across the floor. I painted that vase for her when I was ten. I stepped inside and something cracked beneath my weight. It was a picture of all of us on the lake trip we took all those years ago. We looked like completely different people back then.

"Mom? Dad?" I called out. I grabbed the broomstick that was leaning against the wall and I held it up to defend myself against the robbers. The hallway was completely trashed.

"Hello?" There was a crash from the kitchen. They were still here. I looked around. Where the hell is the phone? Then I heard a voice. A voice I recognized. I walked into the kitchen. My mother was on the ground. She had a cut on the side of her head, my dad stood in front of her with a broken beer bottle in his hand.

"You stupid bitch!" He yelled. He threw the bottle. It smashed into pieces against the wall and he grabbed mom by the shirt and pulled her towards him.

"Why'd you trash all my alcohol you cunt?" I flinched. My father has always been against that word. He said it would never be used under this roof. But, then again my father has never really kept his word. My mom had a determined look on her face. He threw onto the ground and kicked at her side. She screamed out in pain.

"Stop!" I yelled. My dad turned to look at me.

"Samantha..." My mom gasped. My mom looked terrified. I've never seen her look this way.

"It's okay. Just go sweetie. Go somewhere with your friends." She said in a calm tone. I shook my head. I was gripping the broomstick tightly. My knuckles were white. My dad glared at me.

"Listen to your mother." He said. I shook my head.

"I'm not leaving her here with you." I snapped. He walked towards me. I backed up into the wall. I no longer saw my father. I saw a monster. He smacked the broom out of hand. It clattered to the ground.

"Get you of here, bitch." I glared up at him.

"No." It happened so fast. He smacked me across the face. I cried out and fell to the ground with my hand on my cheek. It was like fire against the face.

"Sam!" My mom cried out. He turned around and went back towards my mom. I saw her back into the wall. Fear in her eyes. I glared at his retreating figure. I will not let this continue. I am tired of being scared of him. I'm tired of being in pain. I'm tired of him hurting her. I stood up and ran towards him, tackling him to the ground.

"Leave us alone!" I screamed as hit and punched. But he was stronger. He threw me aside and started kicking me. My mother was screaming and crying and trying to get him off of me. It wasn't the pain that hurt me. It was the fact that it was my dad. The man who raised me and helped me with school work. The one who said he loved me. It was the fact that he was causing this pain that hurt me the most.

There was a commotion and the next thing I knew my mom was looking down at me and stroking my face. I saw several people in black uniforms wrestling my dad to the ground. Cops. A female cop crouched next to us.

"You two okay?" She asked. My mom nodded. The cop explained to us that neighbors heard the fighting and called them. The cops dragged my dad out the door.

"Where are they taking him?" I asked.

"He is being arrested for spouse and child abuse. He'll have to do time." The cop said. An ambulance arrived and took us away. As I was settling down in the ambulance, I saw my dad looking out the window of the police car. He was staring out at us. I wonder if he feels regret. That was the last time I ever saw him.

* * *

Once we were patched up and sent on our way, we went back home. Neither of us could sleep in the house after that so we took what we needed and headed down to mom's sister's house which was a few blocks away. I couldn't sleep that night. I laid there in bed, staring at the ceiling. I could hear Aunt Nora's and mom's muffled voices in the next room.

"I just don't know what to do now." I heard. The truth is... no one knows what to do after that. Beside me on the table was a record player. I sat up and winced. There was a sharp pain in my side. I ignored it and reached down for the stack of records. I chose one labeled 'Pearly Dewdrops Drop' by the Cocteau Twins. I don't know why I chose it. Maybe I just liked the name of the song. I put it on the player and let it spin. I laid there on the bed, closed my eyes and breathed slowly, listening to the lyrics.

_'We'll be sold when Roddy_

_Comes for pearly dewdrops drop_

_Weeks in our company_

_Cups of pearly dewdrops drop'_

I couldn't explain it but I just just felt... at peace listening to the song. It was as if I was no longer in my body. It was like I was drifting off somewhere else. Somewhere where you could find pearly dewdrops.

_'We'll be sold to Roddy, sold to Roddy_

_Comes for pearly dewdrops drop_

_We'll be sold to Roddy, sold to Roddy_

_Tis the lucky, lucky, penny, penny, penny_

_Buys the pearly to their souls_

I can't explain it but I'm sure you'll understand the feeling when you find that one song. That one song that makes you feel alive.


	6. The Slut and the Falcon

**Hey everyone! I am so sorry about these updates! I appreciate your patience you have no idea. How is everyone? I hope you like this one. I am so excited to develop Sam and Patrick brother/sister relationship! :) Please comment and review!**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**6**

**The Slut and the Falcon**

I'm sure everyone has a song. A song that they love down to the very lyrics. A song that they wish they could call their own. Since that night, that night with dad, I have been listening to all of my Aunt's records. We've been living in her house for about four months now. We sold our old place and Mom has been trying to look for a new one but I'm not really in a rush to move again. As I was saying, since that night I have been listening to every record I could get my hands on. I listened to anything. Even the punk rock music Mary Elizabeth recommended.

I'm sitting at the desk in my room at my Aunt's place. My algebra homework in front of me. But today I couldn't concentrate. I was dying to unwrap my newest record. A new song. A new artist. I couldn't resist. I place my pencil on the desk and carefully picked up the bag from the floor. It was a record by The Beatles. I had heard this song in the record store earlier when I went with Alice. 'Let it Be'. Quiet and calming. I was my new favorite song. I placed it on the player and let it spin. A soft and smooth voice echoed.

_'When I find myself in times of trouble_

_Mother Mary comes to me_

_Speaking words of wisdom, let it be'_

I laid on the bed and just listened to the lyrics. The song washing over me like a tidal wave. I opened my mouth and sang along. Of course, my singing is not Beatles worthy but I don't

"Speaking words of wisdom, let it be." I sang softly. I can't explain it. When I listen to songs like 'Let it Be' all those bad moments seems to just disappear from my mind. All of them, gone.

* * *

"When will that guy fall on his ass?" Mary Elizabeth grumbled. She was referring to Patrick, Mr. Popular. The whole school held him up on this pedestal and no one knew why. He's not the school's youngest football player like Brad or the 12th grade hottie photographer like Craig. Everyone just found him funny. To me, it all seemed like an act. He was trying to be someone he's wasn't. I knew what that was like. I had tried so hard to fit in when I was meant to stand out. I was in a different crowd and I didn't mind.

"The whole school adores him Mary Elizabeth. I doubt he'll fall into our lot." Alice said, not looking up from her book. Mary Elizabeth rolled her eyes. Mary Elizabeth had fliers in her hands.

"Look, they're holding auditions for another production at the theatre." Mary Elizabeth said, her eyes wide with excitement. There's a small theatre in town and it holds productions run by, well, anyone really. Mary Elizabeth has been dying to get a Rocky Horror production on that stage. Alice looked at the flier.

"I have to get Rocky Horror on." Mary Elizabeth said, determination set in her tone. Alice looked at me and we smiled at each other.

"You've helped us achieve our dreams." Alice said.

"Then we'll help you." I said. Mary Elizabeth looked at us.

"Are you serious? You're actually going to help me?" I laughed.

"Of course we are." I said. There was roar of laughter a couple of tables down, Patrick was putting on another show for the cheerleaders. I rolled my eyes. It all may be an act for him, but it seemed to be working in his favor.

* * *

After school I like to head to the record store in the town. I usually go with Alice and Mary Elizabeth but they're not into music like I am and I wanted to go on my own today. 'Come on Eileen' by Dexy Midnight Runners was being played in the store. My head bobbed to the music and my hips swayed. The bell above the door rang and Mr. Popular himself entered the record store. I tried to duck behind a shelf full of records but I was too slow.

"Hey!" He called out. I was the only customer in the store so he was definitely talking to me. I stood up. He wasn't surrounded by his usual crowd of morons so I guess it was safe to talk.

"Hey." I said back. He leaned against the stand full of records. He was wearing blue jeans, old black converse and a blue and red plaid button down. His black hair hung forwards, he had a grin on his face.

"You're Samantha Dutton." He said.

"Sam." I corrected him. He smiled again.

"I heard you used to be the life of the party... Samantha." He said in a different tone. I flicked through some records, not looking at the smirk on his face. I chuckled.

"Is that what they say about me?"

"Indeed they do. They say you were a wild one." I looked him in the eye.

"Want to know a secret?" Patrick leaned towards me.

"I'm not that girl anymore." I said. I continued looking through the records, not looking up at Patrick again. He stepped back. I could feel his eyes on me.

"Well, aren't you something else?" I looked at him.

"You got that right." I turned my back on him and looked at more records. He followed me. I wished he would go away. My time in the records store was... my time. 'Come on Eileen' was still playing. Patrick's head bobbed up and down.

"Living room routine." He said.

"What?"

"Something my mom came up with... a dance." He stepped back so he wouldn't knock anything over and he started dancing in the middle of the record store. I laughed. He had a huge smile on his face. His feet moved side to side and his arms were swinging.

"You're mom sounds great." I said. He nodded.

"She was..." His look changed a little. You can always tell when someone has lost a loved one. They get this far away look in their eyes. As if their loved one was a thousand miles away and you couldn't possibly reach them. I looked away.

"I'm sorry." Patrick shook it off.

"It's okay. It was a long time ago." Patrick looked down at the record I was looking at.

"Midnight Oil?" I picked up their record. It was their album Diesel and Dust probably one of my favorite albums. There is no such thing is having one favorite song or one favorite band because when I hear something I love it instantly.

"You've never heard of Midnight Oil?" He shook his head.

"They are incredible! How can you not have heard their music?" I asked. He shrugged his shoulders.

"It's not my style really. I like punk and rap and metal." I closed my eyes and shook my head. I like all kinds of music but those three genres are not my favorite. I sighed.

"You are really missing out on some great music." I handed him the record.

"You have to listen to it. It will literally change your life." I said.

"Rock music isn't my thing Sam." He said. I turned and looked at him.

"What?" I smiled.

"You called me Sam." He nodded. I looked through the store and got five more records for Patrick. Midnight Oil, Nirvana, AC/DC, Queen, Simple Minds and The Smiths. Some of my favorite bands. Patrick took them without complaint and purchased all of them. We walked out of the store together and walked a few blocks.

"So, who's your favorite out of these?" Patrick said, lifting the bag of records. I thought about it.

"Well, I recently listened to 'How Soon is Now?' by The Smiths and it was... it was great. But I like all of them. It's hard to choose." Patrick nodded.

"That will be the first song I listen to." He said. We reached a street. I was one block from my Aunt's place. I sometimes walk home by accident. I always forget that I don't live there anymore. I always stop when I see the for sale sign. That night was a month ago. I always forget but when I get to that house it all comes back.

"Well, I'm that way." I said, pointing to the left.

"And I'm that way." Patrick said, pointing to the right.

"Thanks for all the tunes." Patrick said.

"No problem." Patrick laughed.

"You're trying to convert me to your way of life."

"Which is?"

"The life of a someone who used to be popular but is now no one and is into shitty music."

"First of, it's not shitty music!" I said, laughing. "And I am perfectly fine with who I am now." I said. Patrick looked at me.

"Are you, really?" Am I? I used to be a completely different person. Drinking, drugs, sex with random guys. That was no life for a high school student. I am. I am happy with who I am now.

"Yeah. I'm happy being a nobody."

"And wait until you hear that music. You'll be joining the dark side very soon my friend." Patrick laughed, he held out his and I shook it.

"Well this was a very interesting and pleasant encounter, Sam Dutton."

"Back at you."

"You know, in my mind I will not refer to you as Sam."

"Really?"

"Yeah... it's too plain. We need something else."

"How about the slut?" I suggested.

"Why's that?"

"Because that's who I'd be in a story." I said. Patrick nodded.

"I like it."

"And you can be the falcon. You kind of have a bird like personality." I said. Patrick laughed.

"The slut and the falcon..."

"We can solve crimes!"

"And be the crime solving duo!" We both laughed.

"Well, take care my partner in crime solving." He said.

"See you, falcon."

That night I saw a completely different side of Patrick, the side that he's been trying to hide under his 'Mr. Popular' act. The truth is... we all try to hide who we really are because we're afraid to stand out... I'm not afraid anymore and neither should Patrick.


	7. How Soon is Now?

**H****ey there! The name of this chapter came from the title of a song by The Smiths... one of my all time favorite bands. I just want to say thank you for your comments and reviews! :) It's nice to know that people are reading and enjoying my story. I'm thinking that I can easily make it to 12 or maybe even 15 chapters if I'm lucky. I really want to explore and delve in deeper into Sam's background. It will be very interesting :)**

**enjoy this chapter! Remember to leave a comment and review :)**

**Thanks!**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**7**

**How Soon is Now?**

When I am asked what my favorite song is... I can never come up with a response. I think at the moment I love the song 'How Soon is Now?' by The Smiths. Music is my way of escape. Escape from all the bad things happening now. When I play that record or turn on my Walkman it's just me and the music. It made me wish that I could listen to music during class. But it was okay. I always looked forward to break time of after school.

When I come into English class I notice that our regular teacher, Mrs. Jenkins wasn't there. Instead, it was a younger looking guy. A year ago, I would have been pining for the guy. He was good looking for a teacher. He said his name was Bill and that we could call him that. He was our substitute teacher for the day. He was nice and funny. No one was really paying attention in class (like they usually do). But I was listening. He assigned us a book. To Kill a Mockingbird by Harper Lee. My mom has a copy of this book. It's her favorite. I was happy when I got my copy from Bill. It was something to do. After class finished, Bill called me to his desk. I gathered my books and walked towards the desk. Mary Elizabeth and Alice stood in the doorway, looking at Bill. Bill smiled.

"It's alright girls. Samantha will be joining you in a bit." I wondered what Bill wanted to talk to me about? Am I in trouble? I've been studying and working hard. I've turned in all of my assignments. What could it possibly be?

"It's okay. You're not in trouble." Bill said. I sighed in relief.

"Samantha Dutton..." I nodded.

"That's me." He nodded.

"I have heard many stories about you."

"I'm sure you have."

"But... I tend to not judge a book by it's cover." I didn't respond.

"Mrs. Jenkins wanted to inform you that you are excelling in this class and she would like to know if you want to switch to and advanced Grade 11 English class." I was surprised. I know I have working hard and I've been trying to participate in school but I didn't I was getting that good.

"Wow. Uh, yes. I'd love to."

"Excellent. It's the same time as this class three times a week. Room 27." I nodded. Bill filled out a form confirming my move to an advanced class.

"Thank you." I said. I walked out the door.

"And Sam?" Bill called. I turned.

"It is a huge achievement you have made... changing who you are. A great achievement."

* * *

Walking in the hallway I notice Patrick leaning against some locker. He has headphones on. I walked closer. The music was so loud I heard the song 'Yesterday' by The Beatles. I smiled. I tapped him on the shoulder, he jumped.

"Oh, hi Sam."

"Hi Patrick." I said with a smile.

"'Yesterday' is one of their greatest songs." I said. Patrick laughed.

"Yeah... well I'm still not really into this music."

"Face facts. You're letting the dark side take over."

"Never."

"You say that now but one day you're going to be just like me. A nobody." There's chatter behind us. Three football players are walking down the hallway. The smallest and youngest was in the middle. His name is Brady and he's in the 10th grade with us. He is the youngest person in our school to ever make the football team. He's training to be the quarterback. All the girls thought he was hot. All the guys wished they were him. But the way Patrick stared at him with longing in his eyes... well... that was a different story. I wanted to say something but it's none of my business so I stayed quiet. The three football players rounded the corner and disappeared. Patrick shook his head, his cheeks were slightly red.

"I better get going." And Patrick disappeared.

* * *

I have my Walkman on and it's playing 'How Soon is Now'. I wish I could just listen to that song over and over again.

_I am the son _

_And the heir_

_Of shyness this is criminally vulgar_

_I am the son and the heir _

_Of nothing in particular_

I look both ways before crossing the road. From behind me I hear a distant voice. A female voice calling my name. But I ignore it. I'm not sure why. Maybe cause this was my music time. I didn't want to be disturbed. So I kept walking.

_You shut your mouth_

_How can you say_

_I go about things the wrong way_

_I am human and I need to be loved_

_Just like everybody else does_

Someone touches my shoulder. I scream.

"Sam! Calm down! It's me." I take off my headphones and standing in front of me was the girl I used to be friends with. Jacey.

"Hey Sam."

* * *

Jacey sits across from me in the cafe we stepped in. We haven't said much since she stopped me on the sidewalk. She bought me a hot chocolate. Outside, it starts to rain. Typical March weather. I can't wait to walk in that. I sip at my hot chocolate. It's still hot. Jacey is playing with a ring on her finger. She's different, so different now. In the 8th grade Jacey went through a serious emo stage but her hair is now back to it's regular brown color. She still has the small piercing in her nose. She's wearing a dark green hoodie and black jeans. She isn't wearing her usual crazy amount of makeup and her grey eyes looked sad and distant.

"How have you been?" Jacey asked awkwardly. Is this awkward? Of course it is. We were best friends one day and then complete strangers the next. It's funny how fast that can happen. I thought we'd be best friends forever. I thought I could trust her. I don't know her anymore.

"Good." I said.

"I never see you at parties anymore." Jacey said.

"Because I don't do that anymore." I said. Jacey nodded.

"You've changed." She whispered. I laughed.

"And I see you haven't really." Jacey looked as if she was about to break. I felt a twinge of empathy. I understood what she was feeling. I was there not too long ago. But it's hard to feel bad for a person who's going through so much shit when they have the choice of changing their ways. I went through a rough time last year and I decided to be better than that. Jacey could have made it easier for herself but she chose not to. I don't feel bad for her.

"I've... I've been trying." Jacey whispered. I laughed.

"That's a joke. How many guys have you fucked in our school?" I asked her. A tear fell down her cheek. I sighed.

"Why am I here, Jacey?"

"I just wanted to talk."

"Why now? After a year why now?"

"I've made a lot of mistakes..."

"Clearly."

"I just needed someone to talk to..."

"Why don't you talk to your new boyfriend... Adam. Isn't that his name?" Adam Larkin. 12th grader in our school. He's graduating this year. Last I heard Jacey was sleeping with him.

"Adam and I are done." Jacey said.

"Why's that?" Jacey looked at me.

"Because I'm pregnant. And I'm pretty sure the kid is his."

I was quiet and so was she. I guess whenever I slept with guys during that bad time of my life I never really thought of the consequences. I never thought of what if I end up getting pregnant or what if I get STD? I didn't hit me until now.

"You're serious?"

"Yes." I was shocked. Jacey... a mom at fifteen?

"What are you going to do?"

"I don't know." Jacey was really crying now.

"I told him yesterday. Adam. I told him and he freaked out. Said he didn't want anything to do with me or the baby." It was hard for me to feel bad for Jacey. She got herself into this mess and now I had to help her out of it? If she had listened to me last year, when she was raped that one night, I feel like none of this would have happened. It's funny how one moment can change your whole life like that.

But I couldn't just leave her like this. She was completely alone. Jacey doesn't have the most supportive family. Her mom is a drunk who sleeps with every guy she meets so Jacey lives with her old brother and his girlfriend who aren't exactly qualified to care for a teenager. I can't ditch her again. I told myself that I'd be a better person and good people help others.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes. To be a good person... I had to help my best friend. I took Jacey hands. Her tear filled eyes looked at me.

"Everything is going to be okay." I whispered. And she nodded. Do I know that everything is going to be okay? No. For all I know, everything will turn to shit. But in this past year, with all that has happened to me... I know I can change that.

Everything is going to be okay.


	8. To Be or Not To Be

**Hey guys! Sorry this update is coming in so late. I have been so busy with work and tomorrow I leave for a little family trip. It's been crazy. anyways! This is not a terribly long chapter. We say goodbye to a friend of Sam's. The next few chapters there is going to be a lot more of Patrick, Alice and Mary Elizabeth so get ready! :) comment and review!**

**I will hopefully post soon:)**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**8**

**To Be or Not To Be**

"To be or not be."

No one ever pays attention in English class. They all sort of zone out. But not me. Today my focus is on Bill. He's reading us a piece by William Shakespeare. It's the opening phrase soliloquy in the Nunnery scene in Hamlet. It's interesting because I can somehow relate to it. In the scene Hamlet is contemplating death and suicide. He talks about how life is unfair and unjust but then he also acknowledges that any alternative is worse. The way I see it... everyone has a story. The might have everything they want, money, family and friends. Or they might have a story like mine. Abusive dad. No home of my own. No friends. What I have now is better than what I was. To be who I am now or not be. That's what I see.

* * *

Jacey has been doing better lately. She has kept her promise. Staying out of trouble and taking care of herself. We always stay together at school. The baby bump was a little more prominent than it was two weeks ago when she told me the news. I was starting to trust her again. But every good thing comes to an end, right? Nothing lasts forever. You think you can trust your friends, but will they ever truly be there for you someday?

The answer is no.

The next day at school I went searching for Jacey. We're supposed to bus to her doctor's appointment downtown. I could't wait to turn sixteen. Then I could finally drive and not bus everywhere anymore. I was supposed to meet Jacey outside of school twenty minutes ago but she never showed. She probably just got held up at class. I turned around the corner. Jacey was pinned against some lockers by a 12th grader. Her eyes were closed and her arms were wrapped around his neck. I shoved him away.

"What the hell?" Jacey giggled. Her breath smelled like vodka.

"Just a sec, Sammy. Ricky here was giving me a tongue bath." Ricky was laughing along. He tried to move towards Jacey. I put my hand up.

"Stay away from her." I looked back at Jacey.

"Why the fuck are you drinking? That's not good for the baby." I muttered. Jacey laughed out loud and rubbed her stomach.

"Or right. Forgot I had a bun in the oven." Jacey giggled. I grab her arm and drag her down the hallway. I shove my way through the school crowd and make my way towards the exit.

"Seriously Sammy. I was just trying to have some fun."

"You told me you were going to change."

"Really? I said that. I suck at keeping promises." I threw open the doors.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Her mascara was smudged under her eyes. Her shirt was slipping off her shoulders and she still smelled strongly of vodka. She laughed and shook her tangled hair.

"I was just having fun." I laughed and rubbed my head.

"I can't believe you. I can't believe I trusted you." Jacey rolled her eyes and stumbled to the side. I felt bad for her. She has nothing and no one. I would have been her last hope. But I can't stand by and watch her ruin her life.

"Give me a break, Sammy." Jacey snapped.

"No! I will not give you a break. I was giving you a second chance. I was trying to be your friend. I believed you would change your ways and take care of yourself." I said angrily. Jacey's expression didn't change. She was to drunk to care.

"You know what? I'm done with this." I turned around and walked away. Jacey tried to follow but she kept stumbling.

"Sam! You can't ditch me like this!" She screamed.

"What the hell do you expect me to do?!" Jacey was crying now.

"I tried to help you Jacey. You just don't want to be helped. I don't want any part of this. I will not go back to that life." Jacey broke down.

"Fine. You were a shitty friend anyway." She turned and ran towards her. I turned and headed back towards the school. Did I feel remorse. Maybe. But I refuse to help a hopeless case. I heard tires screech against the road and there was a terrible, gut wrenching smash. The same sound you hear in movies. And then there was silence. Everything happened in slow motion. I turned and saw the two cars. I saw the destruction. And then I saw Jacey. Unconscious.

I ran. I screamed for helped. I called out to her but there was no answer.

* * *

Nothing is worse than waiting. You don't know if you're waiting for good news or bad news. I had called Jacey's brother but there had been now answer. My mom was on her way with my Aunt. I was sitting in the waiting room. Waiting... waiting... waiting...

I was nodding off when the doctor approached me. Doctors always have this look that says it all. That what they are going to say is bad... really really bad.

"You are Jacey's friend?" I nodded. The thing about doctors is they get right to the point. They don't sugarcoat things. But right now I would be fine with soe sugarcoating.

"Jacey has suffered some mild head trauma, but after some rest she will recover." I breathed a sigh of relief."

"But..." I closed my eyes.

"She lost the child." I nodded.

"You may see her." I thanked him and walked into her room. She's awake and looking out the window. She's got a bandage around her head. I sat by her bedside. I could see tears falling from her eyes.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

"You know what's funny?" She whispered. "I actually wanted to have it. I wanted to have the baby." She cried.

"Just go." It was so quiet.

"Go away Sam."

Could I have done more for her? Yes. I could have stayed. I could of held her hand and told her everything was going to be okay. She didn't need to be alone. I could have been there for her like a best friend would have done. But I didn't. I left. I never saw her again. She never returned to school. She no longer lived with her brother. She disappeared.

I wasn't there for Jacey and I will regret that for the rest of my life.


	9. Living Room Routine

**Hey guys! Thanks for waiting so patiently! Hope you all like this chapter :) in the next few chapter we will have a lovely wedding scene involving these four characters in this chapter (marriage between Sam's mom and Patrick's dad). It'll be a fun chapter :) enjoy this one and stay tuned for more! Comment and review please :)**

**~Wallflower95**

* * *

**9**

**Living Room Routine**

"Okay. The winner will be announced today and I hope to freaking God I won!" Mary Elizabeth is wringing her wrists and her knee is bouncing up and down. I smile at Alice. The contest for the theatre production ends today and Mary Elizabeth submitted her Rocky Horror submission ages ago. Today we would finally learn who won. We were all gathered in the gym which is literally the biggest room to hold our whole school. I'm sitting with Alice and Mary Elizabeth on the bleachers. I notice Patrick walking around, searching for a seat. I wave him down.

"Over here!" I called. Patrick smiled and weaved his way into the sea of students. Mary Elizabeth frowned.

"Since when have two become friends?" I shrugged and smiled when Patrick sat down.

"How's it going Sammykins?" Patrick asked. I smiled.

"Same old same old. You?" Patrick rolled his eyes.

"I have a problem. I am addicted."

"To drugs?"

"No to your stupid music! I can't stop listening!" He reached into his bag and pulled out his walkmen. It was Queen. The song playing was 'Under Pressure'. I smiled.

"You're actually listening to it." I said. He nodded.

"For some reason I can't go back to my punk rock. What have you done to me?"

"It's called brain-washing." I think at the moment Patrick and I truly understood each other and that's why we became great friends. Mr. Vulcan, our principal stood on the podium in the middle of the gym and started talking about the contest.

"Oh my god, I can't listen." Mary Elizabeth put her head down and covered her ears.

"And the winner is..." I crossed my fingers and squeezed Mary Elizabeth's hand.

"Mary Elizabeth Nichols with The Rocky Horror Picture Show!"

"Holy shit!" We all jumped up and started screaming. I'm sure everyone thought we were crazy, jumping around and screaming and hugging each other. Even Patrick joined in with us and Alice and Mary Elizabeth didn't seem to mind. The way I see it, it's one of those moments in life when you're just so happy that you have to share it with everyone. So I don't mind looking stupid jumping and screaming. I'm happy.

* * *

I've noticed a change in my mom. She was so depressed and broken up after dad. But now she seems to be happy. She has a knew job as a receptionist at some big company in the city. She seems happy and alive. I'm sitting at the dinner table with her and my Aunt. My Aunt Nora is the elder of the two. The two of them looked so much alike. Same features, same hair... except for the eyes. My mom has storm grey eyes while Nora has brown. My sets down her fork and smiles at the two of us.

"I have an announcement." I looked at her. She really does look happy. She has a glow.

"I've met someone at work. His name is Tom. He is a really great guy and we've started to see each other outside of work." That's why she's happy. She's met someone. Someone who won't hurt her. Someone who will treat her well... I hope.

"That's great, Beth." Aunt Nora said with a smile. I nodded and smiled but I didn't say anything because I wasn't sure how I should feel. Happy? Lonely?

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, Sam." I shook my head and smiled.

"It's okay, mom. I'm glad you've met someone." I said with a smile. As soon as dinner was over I went up to my room and played some music. 'Yesterday' by The Beatles.

_Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away_

_Now it looks as though they're here to stay _

_oh, I believe in yesterday_

How am I supposed to feel when my mom starts dating someone new? What if he was just like dad? I didn't know how to feel. There was a tap at the door. I stopped the record.

"Enter." I said. My mom stepped in.

"Hi Sweetie." I nodded. She sat down and wrapped her arms around me like she used to when I was little. I breathed in her perfume. Lavender. I put my face against her soft brown hair. I wish my hair was like hers. Her is soft and brown and curly. Mine is a mess. I'm not beautiful like my mom.

"Tom is coming over for dinner tomorrow night with his son." My mom said.

"Okay." My lifted my chin up so I could look her in the eyes.

"If you don't like him in any way, you will tell me and we can forget about the whole thing, okay?" I nodded.

"I just want you to be happy." I said. She smiled.

"And I want the same for you." She hugged me tight.

"Hey mom?"

"Yes?"

"Can you help me cut my hair?"

* * *

All the girls in my grade believed that when you get your hair cut it means you're going through some big changes and in order to get through all of them you need to change you appearance. I don't believe that for a second. I'm not changing the way I look because I'm going through a lot. I changing the way I look because I want to. That's that. I asked Aunt Nora (who's occupation is thankfully a hairdresser) to cut my hair. I asked her to cut short. Not a bob short. A pixie cut short. When it was done I actually felt happy. This is who I am supposed to be. Sam Dutton. The girl who does well in school and has two best friends and is into really good music. That's who I am.

* * *

Tonight is the night I meet mom's boyfriend, Tom. I will also be meeting his son. Aunt Nora has gone out for the night and she has given us her place. We decided to cook for them. I'm not much of a cook and neither is my mom but she insisted that it was nice thing to do for them and she wanted everything to be perfect so I agreed. I dressed nice for the occasion. A knee length black dress with red polka dots. I'm wearing a red headband in my hair and red flower earrings. There's a knock at the door.

"Oh that's them! Watch the food." My mom heads to the front door. I hear a voice, a pleasant sounding voice. I hear another one. A younger one. A familiar one. I walk into the front room and standing there was Patrick.

"Sam?"

"Patrick?" My mom and Patrick's dad look at the two of us.

"You two know each other?" We both laughed.

"Yeah actually we're in the same grade." Patrick laughed. I smiled. I was happy to see a familiar face. The smoke alarm went off. Shit. The food. The four of us ran into the kitchen. Smoke was everywhere. Tom grabbed a kitchen towel and started waving it around, trying to get rid of the smoke. My mom grabbed oven mitts and opened the oven door to find a charred chicken. Within seconds the alarm was off. We all coughed and stared down at the black, charred chicken.

"Well, that looks... delicious." Patrick said. I tried to hold in some laughter. My mom looked like she was on the verge of tears.

"I'm- I'm so sorry." She said, looking at Tom. But Tom was smiling.

"Anybody feel like Chinese food?"

* * *

I liked Tom. I really did. He was funny and wild, kinda like Patrick. We ordered Chinese take-out and then we played monopoly. I was having a great time and I was so happy for my mom. He really did care for her. He looked at her and I could see that he loved her. Sometimes at random moments he would reach out and hold her hand or kiss her on the cheek. They must have been going out a while. My mom and Tom headed into the kitchen to talk privately while Patrick and I stayed in the living room.

"I had no idea she was your mom."

"It's crazy huh?"

"So crazy!" Patrick jumped up and took a tape out of his pocket. I frowned.

"What are you doing?" Patrick spun around and smiled that big goofy smile of his.

"Living room routine." He pushed the tape into the stereo and 'Come On Eileen' started to play. Patrick's head bobbed up and down and his foot started tapping against the ground. I laughed. Patrick reached down and pulled me onto my feet.

"I'm a terrible dancer!" I said over the music. Patrick twirled around.

"Me neither!" I felt the music beating through the floor. Beating in my chest. The drums. The piano. I saw Patrick dancing like a... well... like a dork beside me and I couldn't help myself. I laughed out loud and my feet started moving. Patrick grabbed my hands and we spun around and around. I screamed and laughed out loud as the room spun around. And I just kept dancing. It was like something possessed my body. Out of the corner of my eye I saw my mom and Tom watching us. Mo mom leaned against the door frame, she had a smile on her face. Tom had his arm around her shoulders, he was smiling as well. I felt happy. I felt... I felt alive. And I guess I danced the living room routine with Patrick.


End file.
